The Outsiders: Lies
by Incredible2002
Summary: Pinky steals Newt's grilled cheese so Newt has ordered Pinky, Brain, Squit, Wakko and Pesto to get him another grilled cheese, which leads to Pinky and Brain get into arguments about lying. Pinky bets Brain that whoever gets caught lying first loses which gets them into some crazy hi-jinks. That's the 5th episode of The Outsiders. Please favorite, review and follow. Thx. Rated T.
1. The Worst Beginning

**The Outsiders: Lies (Episode 5)**

**Part 1: The Worst Beginning**

(Squit N/R: It all started with a nice, bright, sunny day as we came to look at some dope-ass videos on YouTube, suddenly Pinky came along.)

(Brain, Wakko, Pesto and Squit are on Wakko's computer laughing, then Pinky comes in with the bag of grilled cheese.)

Pinky: Guys, Oh, there you are. You want the grilled cheese? There's 5 slices for all.

Brain: Whoa! Is that a grilled cheese deluxe from Cheezer's?

Pinky: Yes, it is.

Brain: Then, yes.

Squit: Yeah sure.

Pesto: Sure, why not?

Wakko: Please.

(They eat the sandwiches)

Brain: How did you manage this?

Pinky: I bought it. With money.

Wakko: Nice! Hey, you know what would go good with these sandwiches? More funny internet videos! Check this out. (Begins typing in name on the keyboard)

Pinky: No, wait! I know a really good one. (Types on the keyboard)

Brain: No, Pinky! You're just gonna pull up that ostrich thing with the ballsack again.

Pinky: No, I'm not.

Squit: You're typing it in! I see it!

Pinky: Guys, don't look! You're gonna ruin it!

(The others close their eyes.)

Brain: Fine. It better not be that ostrich thing with its huge ballsack. Ready yet?

Pinky: It's loading. Okay... Now!

(They open them.)

Woman: (In video) Don't get too close now, pa!

(The ostrich hits a baseball off the tee, pecks the old man in the groin, and raises its wings to stroke his big balls. Pinky laughs.)

(The others except for Pinky groan about the video.)

Squit: Oh, for Christ's sake!

Brain: Oh, c'mon, it's that ostrich thing with the huge ballsack! Why do you gotta lie to us?

Pinky: 'Coz lying's my specialty!

(Newt calls on Brain's phone very angry.)

Brain: Oh fuck, it's Newt! Why did he call us?

Pinky: Uhhh...I dunno. (looks suspicious)

Brain: (he answers the phone) Hello.

Newt: (one the phone) Hello! Did you steal my fucking sandwich?!

Brain: What?!

Pinky: (snatches Brain's phone) Don't worry. I'll take care of this with my specialty. (talks to Newt) This isn't your sandwich. This is our sandwich.

Newt: (on the phone) This is your sandwich, huh? Then how come it says "Newt" on the bag?

Brain: Wait, you stole his sandwich this whole time!?

Pinky: (looks at Brain) **SHHH!** (Turns back to the phone) Well it's supposed to say "Pinky," but they misspelled my name wrong.

Newt: (one the phone) **STOP LYING!**

Squit: What the hell?

Brain: Pinky, I thought you said you bought this!

Newt: (on the phone) No, he didn't buy it, you fuckwit, I can still hear you! Now get off your lazy asses and go get me another Grilled Cheese Deluxe! (hangs up)

Brain: (looks at Pinky angrily) Argh! Look what you've done!

Wakko: Dude, that's so outta line!

Pinky: Hey, calm your tits! We can still make it.

Pesto: Yeah, don't worry, guys. The line won't be that long. Am I wrong?

(Scene goes to Cheezer's. The line is extremely long.)

Brain: (furious) **PESTO!**

Pesto: Okay, maybe I was wrong. My bad.

Brain: (looks at Pinky) Well thanks for saving the day once again with your specialty, you asshole!

Pinky: Whatever. Like you could do any better.

Brain: Pfff! I'm a better liar than you are.

Pinky: Oh, really? The only thing you're better than me at is being a big piece of-

(Brain swats Pinky in the head with anger. Meanwhile two astronauts in blue jackets go around the line and enter the restaurant.)

Brain: Hey! What the fuck? Those assholes are fuckin' cutting in! C'mon, now it's gonna take forever!

Squit: (sarcastically) Wow! Just our luck.

Wakko: You can't be serious!

Fat woman: Excuse me! Those fine men are astronauts! They can cut in line. They fought for our country!

Pesto: Who asked you?!

Pinky: (Rises off the ground and gasps) Dude, here's your chance to prove you're a better liar than me. Or maybe you can't? Look at your stupid-ass face. (Touches Brain's face all around) It must really eat you up inside to not be able to prove you're a better liar than me! 'Coz you can prove nothing! Y'hear!? You. Can't. Prove. Anything!

Brain: (Slaps away Pinky's hand and grabs his snout) Fine! You want me to fuckin' prove I'm a better liar than you? Why wouldn't we see who is better in lying? Whoever gets caught first loses!

Pinky: Okay. It's not like you're ever gonna lie better than thi-i-is!

(Brain lets go of Pinky.)

Brain: Ahem, excuse me, Miss.

Fat woman: What?!

Brain: We're astronauts! (They enter the Cheezer's, cutting in line.) Ha! I told you I'm a better liar than you!

Pinky: Woah, woah, woah! Step aside! I'll show ya how a real motherfucka lies. (Approaches a counter) Hey, bade! Give me a Grilled Cheese Deluxe and make it snappy and dope, 'coz we're astronauts and we gotta get back up in space! Know what I'm sayin'?

Cheezer's Cashier: Oh, my! (Speaks using a loudspeaker) One Grilled Cheese Deluxe for the astronauts. (The announcement arouses the real astronauts' curiosity.) That'll be two fifty.

Pinky: Damn! That's a moon quarter! (Points to a quarter)

Cheezer's Cashier: Oh! (Takes the money)

Pinky: Motherfucka! See?

Brain: C'mon, that was lame!

Cheezer's Cashier: Excuse me, sir! Your Grilled Cheese is ready.

Brain: Thanks. We gotta get this back to our astronaut captain. Know what I'm sayin'? Hmm! Hmm!

Cheezer's Cashier: Oh, is that your astronaut captain over there?

Brain: Huh? (Sees Pinky talking with real astronauts) **ARGHHHH! **(Comes up to them)

Squit: That's not good.

Pinky: This is the guy!

Real Astronaut: (Very indignant) You're the guy?

Brain: I'm...

Pinky: Go on.

Brain: (Unsure) I'm the guy...

Real Astronaut: (Suddenly, a real astronaut turns very excited. He is about to shake Brain's hand.) Well! It's an honor to meet you, captain! Lieutenant Pinks here has told us a lot about you and your whole team.

Real Astronaut 2: Yeah, it's great to meet five real fellow astronauts. State your names.

Pesto: Pesto.

Wakko: Wakko, the middle child.

Squit: Squit, the smartest!

Real Astronaut: So, what are you guys doing in this dump hole, anyways?

Pinky: Ah, you know. We're just pickin' up a Grilled Cheese for our commanding officer.

Real Astronaut 2: Ha-ha! I hear that!

Brain: Ha, yeah! We were just getting ready to take it back to the compound.

Real Astronaut 2: Compound? We were just getting ready to go there ourselves! Wanna lift?

Squit: Uh, sure. We'll take a ride to the compound.

Real Astronaut: Come to think of it, why haven't we seen you around the compound before...?

Pinky: We've just got back from a 10-year stand in the old shuttlecraft. Isn't that right, Captain B?

Brain: Yeah. And we've just transferred here. It's our first day.

Real Astronaut: Well, welcome! We'll be glad to show you around! Now, I hope you're up to spend a 2.5 million dollars of taxpayers' money, 'cause we're drivin'!

(They use a kind of an Apollo-like spaceship as their vehicle and simply cross the street because the compound is located right opposite of the Cheezer's.)

Real Astronaut: Gentlemen, welcome to the compound! ('Compound' echos)

Pesto: Oh, uh, I forgot my ID in my other pants. Can you help me out, guys?

Squit: Oh, what? That was my ID! I told you not to lose it!

Pesto: **DAT'S IT! **(as he was about to fight with Squit)

Real Astronaut: Guys, guys, calm down! You can use our IDs! (They pass the checkpoint.) Here. You guys might be more comfortable in these. (Passes them jackets)

Pinky: Ah, thanks! Yeah, I love these things, but Captain B might not be that into 'em. Don't you like the uniforms in pink?

Real Astronaut: Pink?!

Brain: I only had to borrow a pair that one time from... (Notices an employee list on the wall and quickly picks up a random name) Dr. Asinoskovich. That one time.

Real Astronaut: Ah, you know Dr. Asinoskovich? That's funny. Because she's right here! (Points at a woman standing with her back towards them)

Dr. Asinoskovich: (Turns around and speaks with a German accent) I don't remember you!

Brain: Really? Uh... It was one time at that conference. You don't remember me?

Dr. Asinoskovich: Uh... I don't remember very much from that conference. I... have to go! (Runs away very quickly)

Real Astronaut: Wow! That was awkward! Ah, come on! We'll give you the grand tour!

Brain: Pinky, you should quit right now. You're totally gonna get caught!

Pinky: Ha. We'll see.

(Wakko gets out a large bell and makes a "bong" noise)

Squit: (confused) What was that?

Wakko: That, my friend, is the sound of doom for us all!

(Squit N/R: And do you think that's gonna go well, wait 'til you see what's gonna happened next. Hopefully.)

**TO BE CONTINUED**...end of part 1

Part 2 coming soon.


	2. We're Doomed!

**Part 2: We're Doomed!**

(Lies by Thompson Twins is being played while the astronauts are showing Pinky and Brain around.)

(Squit N/R: Just as soon as we got to the antimatter chamber, those 2 dickheads just can't shut the fuck up with their bullshit already.)

(Brain and Pinky wash their hands in the bathroom.)

Pinky: Man! I don't think you can last much longer of this bullshit! I think you should give it up or you're done, you bender!

Brain: They're not onto me, Pinky.

Pinky: Then I guess it's time that I start lying at one hundred percent! **WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?!**

(They come out of the bathroom.)

Real Astronaut: And what tour would be complete without a stop at the pride of our compound - the antimatter chamber! (Slaps some clerk on his back) How is she running today, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Well, actually, sir... There've been some problems maintaining safe levels of-

Real Astronaut: (Slaps Jimmy again, causing Jimmy to drop his clipboard right onto a green button, pushing it) That's fate. I don't understand a half of that these science types say.

Pinky: Oh, that's too bad. Captain here's an expert on it!

Real Astronaut: You're an expert on antimatter?

Brain: Uh... Yeah... Uh... But not compared to how much this guy knows! (Points to Pinky)

(An alert beeper sound grows stronger.)

Pinky: (Frustrated) Uh...

Brain: Did you know he wrote a book on it?

Pinky: We wrote a book on it!

Brain: Well, you did most of the work on it!

Pinky: But your name's on the cover!

Brain: Yeah, right next yours!

Pinky: Above mine!

Real Astronaut: Jimmy, knock off that beepin'!

Jimmy: Yeah, actually, sir, I'm having trouble with-

Real Astronaut: Trouble? We-ell, these guys are experts! Can you lend a hand, fellas?

Pinky: Sure, we can! Go ahead, captain!

Brain: (Approaches the control panel) Well, according to the book Lieutenant Pinks wrote, you wanna turn that knob there.

(Jimmy follows the orders.)

Pinky: (Cuts in) But captain's own research really outdates mine. So turn that knob over there!

Squit: Uhhh...guys.

Brain: But he's forgetting the recent discoveries he made! Flip those switches!

Squit: Guys.

Pinky: Discoveries based on his studies... Hit those buttons!

Squit: Guys.

Pesto: Oh, It's gonna be so dope! (eats popcorn)

Brain: What the fuck, man!? I never said hit those buttons!

Squit: Guys.

Pinky: Yeah, Jimmy! You're not doing like captain B just fuckin' said! You gotta do it like this! (Bumps over all the buttons)

(The anti-nucleus gets unstable. Pipes burst. Danger light bulbs explode.)

Squit: Oh shit.

Brain: (furious) Pinky, knock it off! You're gonna fuckin' break it!

Pinky: No, you're gonna fuckin' break it!

Squit: **GUYS!**

Pinky & Brain: **WHAT!?**

Major Williams: What's all this commotion?

Real Astronaut: Major Williams? Sir! (Dusts off Pinky and Brain) We were just showing these new transfers around the compound, sir!

(A warning siren is heard.)

Jimmy: Captain B! Lieutenant Pinks! The antimatter is becoming unstable!

(Shows the antimatter wobbling in a mass.)

Wakko: (scared) We're fucked!

Pesto: I'm lovin it! (laughs)

Real Astronaut: Captain B, Lieutenant Pinks! You can fix it, right?

Brain: Yes! Lieutenant Pinks can totally fix it!

Pinky: Not without captain's help, I can't!

Squit: (confused) Guys, are we even doing anything?

Pesto: Shut up, Squit! I'm enjoying this!

Real Astronaut: No time for modesty! All of you, get in, **NOW!**

Pesto: Awww! But I haven't finished my popcorn!

(The astronaut opens the antimatter chamber door and shoves Pinky, Brain, Squit, Wakko and Pesto in there.)

Wakko: We're gonna die.

Brain: Dude, this is all your fault.

Pinky: What?! You're the one who won't fuckin' admit that you suck at lying!

Brain: 'Coz I don't!

(The others watch Pinky and Brain argue through the window.)

Brain: As a matter of fact, I don't know if I should ever talk to you again, let alone give you a ride home either!

Pinky: Look! Why don't you give up and tell 'em what's going on so they can help us?!

Brain: No, you do it!

Pinky: No way!

(The antimatter shakes even more.)

(Pinky and Brain argue some more until Squit loses his temper.)

Squit: (frustrated) Fine! I'll do it, it y'all just shut the hell up! (He gets the microphone)

Real Astronaut: What's the holdup?

Squit: Look. I have to tell you the truth. (Pinky & Brain nods.) I have a condition that makes me forget everything in times of extreme stress. (Pinky & Brain's mouth hangs open in shock.) My own fuckin' team doesn't have that condition. They're just idiots!

Pinky: Awww...what?!

Brain: What the fuck?!

Wakko: Outta line, y'know!

Pesto: Hey!

Squit: We need you tell us what to do!

Real Astronaut: Oh, my... Jimmy, what do we do?

Jimmy: They have to penetrate the anti-nucleus with something solid!

Real Astronaut: Right! Listen up! You have one chance at this thing, Lieutenant Pinks! You have to throw Captain B into the anti-nucleus!

Pinky & Brain: **WHAT?!**

Real Astronaut: It's the only way! Lieutenant Pinks is too big for you to throw. You must sacrifice yourself to save thousands of lives, captain!

Wakko: (shocked) Wait, for a joke!?

Brain: **NO!** Don't listen to him, Pinky! **DON'T DO IT!**

Real Astronaut: Do it! Throw him in! **THROW HIM IN!**

(Pinky looks around, conflicted.)

Brain: Please! No! No!

Real Astronaut: Throw him now! **NOW!**

Pesto: I dunno about you but this is getting mad tings! (eats popcorn)

Pinky: (looking apologetic) Oh god, what have I done!?

Brain: I'm sorry! I'm sorry for lying! You win, okay?! I won't lie anymore!

Pinky: I'm really sorry, B! But I can't let everybody die because of our bullshit! (Pinky lifts Brain up over his head and is about to throw him in...)

Brain: (Poor Brain) **NO!**

(A zip sound is heard.)

Brain: Huh? (Sees that his jacket is unzipped)

Pinky: Jesus. You thought I was gonna throw you in? I told you I'm a better liar than you. (Holds the grilled cheese bag in his hand)

Brain: Newt's grilled cheese!

Pinky: You better hope this works, grilled cheese! (Pinky throws a bag with grilled cheese into the anti-nucleus. The anti-nucleus catches the bag with its energy field ready to disintegrate as the others celebrated) Yes, it's working! It's working, it's working, it's… (Then it catches him...) Nyahh!

Brain: Pinky! (...and Brain, Wakko, Squit and Pesto as well) Ahh!

Wakko: **OH GOD, IT HURTS, IT FUCKIN' HUR...!** (It twists him up as he screams)

(It twists, rips them up, and puts them back together, then explodes as they scream. It then throws them out, knocking over the chamber door. They both look roasted enough. They groan and cough as they look up at the others.)

Pinky: Yeah. We're not astronauts.

(Cut to their house. The two astronauts hurl Pinky, Brain, Squit, Wakko and Pesto out of a van.)

Real Astronaut: If you ever lie about being astronauts again, **YOU'RE DEAD!**

Pinky: We saved the fuckin' city, astro-!

(The astronauts throw the Cheezer's bag in Pinky's face and drive away. Pinky and the others walked to Newt's house.)

(Squit N/R: Thank god, this cringe-worthy nightmare is over, it all happened because of Pinky stole Newt's grilled cheese,...(Newt: Then how come it says "Newt" on the bag!?) ...lied about getting in,... (Brain: We're astronauts.) ...and suffering some physical trauma. (Wakko: **IT HURTS!**) The last thing we wanted to do is to be almost exploded into smithereens.)

Squit: So, I hope you guys learned your lesson about this "bullshit"!

Pinky: Y'know what, you're right! Sorry, Brain!

Brain: Sorry too, Pinky.

Pinky: Give up?

Brain: Give up.

(They shake their hands for forgiveness.)

Pinky: But, I'm not giving up that Pesto's dad's gay! (laughs)

Pesto: (furious) **MY DAD'S NOT BENT!**

(Newt is on the computer as they enter his room.)

Newt: Where have you been? I've been waiting all day!

Pinky: Sorry about the sandwich.

(Pinky gives Newt his Grilled Cheese Deluxe. It is totally burned.)

Newt: What the hell? Dafuq happened to my sandwich?!

Brain: There were spacemen! At Cheezer's! And the tube... we went down and... everyone wore sweatpants... even us... and then the room with the bad stuff... but... we saved the city with your sandwich!

Newt: (in disbelief) Ugh... Why do you always have to lie to my face?

Pinky: We ran it over by accident.

(Pause)

Newt: See? Was it so hard to tell the truth?

**THE END!**

Hope you guys enjoyed this fanfic episode of The Outsiders. Please follow, favorite and review. See ya lata! Thx. Peace!


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